home alone

home alone

This past weekend, Indy and I went home to Indiana…without Joey.

It was the first time that we’d been back there, since my wife’s passing in early March.   I was excited and nervous about the trip at the same time.  Part of me wasn’t ready to go back.  Not yet.  But another part of me knew it was the right thing, and believed that it would be healing for us.  And it was.

leave it there

leave it there

It was her last request.

The last thing on the the list Joey gave me, of what she wanted at her funeral service… when the time came.  And we both knew that time was coming soon.

“I’d like for someone to sing the hymn Leave It There at my graveside”, Joey said.  And then she stopped and added, “no… not someone”, and she looked at me and smiled, “I want Bradley Walker to sing it for me”.

alive and well

alive and well

I filmed our lives for two-and-a-half years.  I don’t know why, I just did.

Like writing this blog, something told me that I needed to capture that time of our lives on film.  To have it forever.  To be able to remember it and share it with others.  I had no idea how important it would be.

Especially to me.

happy mothers day dad

happy mothers day dad

I keep my guitar pics on my desk in a little bowl that our oldest daughter made and gave me one Sunday in May when she was probably five or six years old.  It’s pink and handmade of pottery, and in big grey letters on the outside it says “Happy Mother’s Day Dad”.

It’s one of my most prized possessions.

camp courageous

camp courageous

We spent this past weekend in Kentucky at a camp called 'The Center for Courageous Kids'.   Indiana's best friend Scout has been coming there with her little brother Ash and her Mom and Dad for the last couple of years... so this year Indy and I came along.  I'd been hearing about the camp for awhile - not just from Scout's family - but also from people at Indiana's school and many others.  It's primarily a camp for children with special needs and their families, but once we arrived, it was easy to see that this place was that and much more.

less is more

less is more

Easter is Joey's favorite holiday. It always has been.  Not because of Easter baskets or bunnies or candy or eggs, but because today celebrates the day that Christ has risen from the dead.  Joey loved sunrise services, and the Lords' supper and the newness of life that Easter brought to the world.  She would get so excited about the day coming and would talk about it for weeks, months sometimes.   I'm embarrassed to say that my favorite holiday is still Christmas.  Partly because of Jesus' birth, but also for a million sentimental reasons and trees and carols and the 'feeling' that's in the air that time of year.  I still have a lot of growing in my faith to do I guess.

high hopes

high hopes

Joey had every intention of home-schooling Indy as she grew up.  For many reasons.  But life has changed that plan. I have written before about our desire to live our lives with "high hopes and low expectations"... but during the month of January, when Joey and I decided we needed to start researching what and where the next-best option for school for Indy might be...we had no idea that God would lead us to a place called, of all things... 'High Hopes'.

our town

our town

The first time I came to the place Joey was born and raised in was in April of 2002.  It was my first trip with Joey to her hometown and to meet her family.  It's also the weekend that we got engaged. We had been dating for two months.  But when you know... you know.  And so what is there to wait for.

st. jules

st. jules

There is a right time to say goodbye.  Today isn’t that day.

Joey’s best friend Julie has been here for a week and was supposed to leave this evening and fly back home to Oregon where she and her husband Joe live.  But this morning as I sat beside my wife, and Julie started packing her things… Joey’s tears began to fall.